Explore your future with Curlzilla

Not everyone can handle startup life. It takes a certain mindset; a certain strength in motivation to succeed where the rules aren't really defined yet. It takes a certain audacity, a certain boldness to invent those rules yourself. It takes some tenacity to stick with something to get it right, not just get it done, and get on with life. Some people just want to do the same thing, day in, day out, put in their 40 hours for 40 years, then move to Hawaii and golf every morning. Some people want more than that, though. That's what we look for at Curlzilla.

Do you want to destroy old paradigms?

If what you want is just another job to fill your days, we're probably not going to be a good fit. Do you want to fundamentally change the way people test? That's what we're doing at Curlzilla. The old way of doing this is fundamentally broken. It's time for a new way of doing things. Curlzilla is inventing that new way, right now, and we're not asking for permission,

Do you want to set stuff on fire?

We want to disrupt the entire testing industry, not just because we think it's worth doing, though it totally is. In terms of efficiency, it just makes sense. Proper Planning Prevents Piss Poor Performance, after all, and part of Proper Planning is Proper Testing. We have a Primary Plan. We have an Alternate Plan. We have a Contingency Plan. And most importantly, we have an Emergency Plan.

Do you want kill test engineers?

The real reason we want to disrupt the Web-Testing Industrial Complex, though, is because we harbor personal grudges against test engineers, quality assurance people, and, worst of all, people who write the crappy software these technological sycophants use. We're not just making QA a scapegoat; we really mean this. We won't rest until they're all unemployed. And if you're the kind of person who wants to help with that, then we want to hear from you.

Code Wageslave

Curlzilla invented "Curling As A Service", and we're going to change the world, by changing the way the world does its testing. One client at a time. Methodically. Slowly. Because slow is smooth, and smooth is fast.

Position: Code Wageslave

Our Ideal Candidate:

• Works without overly verbose written or verbal guidance.
• Knows how to stay busy, or at least give the appearance of staying busy.
• Lives, Eats, and Breathes Buzzwords. Because buzzwords.
• Strives to put an end to the Quality-Assurance-Industrial complex.
• Can hit a target from 1000 yards on the first shot.
• Offers solutions, not excuses. Excuses don't pay bills. Results do.
• Doesn't have "feelings". We don't have them, we expect you not to, either.

What you'd be working on:

• Collecting the underwear, as it were.
• Coding, re-coding, and re-recoding. And porting.
• Puppet, Salt, blah blah blah.
• Documenting everything you do.
• Figuring out what we've already done, without need for documentation. Because it's nobody's goddamned business what our code does.
• Maintaining your sanity.
• Getting things done.
• Making sure the coffee pot is full of fresh coffee, all the time.
• Spending hours in meetings that could easily have been replaced with a single email.
• Deciphering missives from upper management, turning said missives into shippable products.
• Testing those shippable products. Because we *really* don't believe in having a separate QA department.

What you'd get from us:

We'll fill your days with endless tasks, and your nights with research you need to do in order to be ready for the next days' endless tasks. We'll send you on snipe hunts for grid squares that will consume hours of your time, and provide you with the frustration that a young, naive "developer" like yourself needs to grow as a person. So, we'll help you grow as a person. That's mighty nice of us, I'm sure you'll agree. We'll keep the loft beer fridge stocked with beer, but you'll never have time to drink any of it. We've got a fusball table, too, but if we catch you using it, we'll lay down a guilt trip the likes of which you haven't seen since you wore a uniform to private school. And you better have gone to a private school. And not Stanford. Stanford is a babysitting daycare center for wealthy kids, not a school for making productive code warriors. We'll also provide a high-pressure work environment, staffed with a lot of edgy personalities who might physically ambush you when you least expect it. It's to help you grow as a person. And because that's what we like to do. We'll give you plenty of encouragement, delivered through a low, intimidating voice, over a bullhorn, inches from your ears while you work. It'll be a lot of fun!

We'll probably also pay you. Probably. But really, the true honor is getting to work with us as we revolutionize the automated testing industry.

GET BUFF with AUTOMATED TESTING. Apply at Curlzilla today! Send your resume as a plaintext file to "careers@curlzilla.com". Seriously. Plain text. If you send us a PDF, we'll delete it and add you to our plonkfile. If you send us a Word document, we'll find, fix, and finish you.