We're Inverting the Monitoring Industry Paradigm
As anyone who has managed hundreds or thousands of systems knows, automated monitoring is the lifeblood of the operations industry. That said, it's based on the age-old paradigm of watching for when things break, then alerting the appropriate team that something is broken, at which point that team takes action, resolves the issue, and the monitoring cycle begins anew.
At Curlzilla, we felt that this paradigm was fundamentally broken. That's why we took it upon ourselves to build the next generation of system monitoring. Presenting Watchzilla.
The Cat is Alive, By Default
Watchzilla is fundamentally different from the usual monitoring systems, in that it assumes everything is good, all the time. In fact, it doesn't even have a method to show something if it's bad. We built Watchzilla using the advanced theoretical physics principles derived by Erwin Schrödinger; then we turned those principles on their head. Rather than assuming a cat in a box is both alive and dead, we threw out the negative assumption and just assumed the cat is alive. And if we never take a look at the cat, we can continue to hold the assumption that the cat is alive as a Universal Truth, and reflect it in our monitoring systems' gauges and metrics.
Top-Driven Results
The end result of our magnificent construction is a monitoring system that pleases management, all of the time, every time. Watchzilla eliminates downtime at the Single Pane of Glass level, to start with, obliterating the old goal of "Nine Nines", replacing it with predictable, stable, consistently outstanding results. One hundred percent uptime is no longer a theoretical ideal; it is, in fact, your new standard business model.
But improving your company's computing metrics is only the tip of the iceberg; for our customers who implement Watchzilla, there is also a secondary architecture that they can implement that will pro-actively eliminate the need for their entire customer service staff.
Almost Human Support
Watchzilla Robosupport allows customers to report issues they have in a user-friendly web interface. Upon creation of these tickets, Watchzilla Robosupport then uses advanced Artificial Intelligence technology to select a random server, reboot it, then resolves and closes the ticket opened by the customer, letting them know that their request has been received, addressed, and resolved. Best of all, it waits for a random period of time before it crafts a bot-written response that appears to be hand-crafted by a concerned customer service agent, so the only people who will know you have replaced your entire customer service staff with an automated email responder/random server reboot process will be you, and the handful of folks that used to work in your customer service department.
